it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Drunk is not a location!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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