also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
