Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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