Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?