i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times