just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.