Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.