Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize