I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize