Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
