if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
