How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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