And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
