I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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