I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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