dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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