I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
