i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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