i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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