My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Randomize
