fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I know her cup size but not her name....
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
