If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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