I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
