I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
