I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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