Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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