I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
