Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
