hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
