I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
