I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
