"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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