getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
