Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
