i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
