I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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