I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
