So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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