Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
