So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
