Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
