In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
