new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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