i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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