I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
lets start a swedish sibling band together
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
