whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
