I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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