i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
