i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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