New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
