It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
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You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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