i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
