Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
