legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
