I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
