you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
