My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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