we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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