Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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