I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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