The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
