You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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