That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
