he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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