Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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