i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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