It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
