don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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