You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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