I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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