Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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