he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
