I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
